1.04.2003
Best of Top 100 reasons it's great to be a guy
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
13. All your orgasms are real.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
60. The world is your urinal.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
64. One mood, all the time.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too scary.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
78. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it!"
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So ... notice anything different?"
100. There is always a game on somewhere.
1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
13. All your orgasms are real.
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
18. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
60. The world is your urinal.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
64. One mood, all the time.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too scary.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
78. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Fuck it!"
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because your not in the mood.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So ... notice anything different?"
100. There is always a game on somewhere.
Not very original.... but I relate to the fear of being mistaken for a freshman (or worse... a prospective Techie)--See #3.
If the Bible were written by college kids
10. Loaves and fishes replaced by pizza and chips.
9. Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
8. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
7. Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.
6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
5. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
4. Book of Armaments would be in there somewhere.
3. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
2. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
If the Bible were written by college kids
10. Loaves and fishes replaced by pizza and chips.
9. Ten Commandments are actually only five, double-spaced, and written in a large font.
8. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food.
7. Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans.
6. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
5. The place where the end of the world occurs: Finals, not Armageddon.
4. Book of Armaments would be in there somewhere.
3. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman.
2. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement.
1. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.
Interesting Facts (of questionable veracity)
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
A duck's quack doesn't echo.
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled
On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
A duck's quack doesn't echo.
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