I'm your secretary

Hey Parker, James Spader is coming to Brodaway this fall!

We love him in Secretary, so I might have to go check this Mamet play (I have yet to take in any Mamet offering on the boards). The TV in my dwelling had Boston Legal on the other day, which I happen to not watch. A James Spader week it is.

Not the way to start a Friday

Seen in the subway station:
A man with his pants down, about to wipe his butt.

I averted my gaze as soon as my brain registered vaguely what was going on.

I didn't want to process it anymore.

Yucky!

Like mixing oil and water: a review of Chemistry.com

Dating is tough. Especially where I live, so I turn to my friend the internet to make torture a tad less torturous.

I shelled out close to $100 for three months of Chemistry.com. The way it works, you take a bunch of tests and then get assessed a personality type, like builder or whatever. Since I hate contacting strangers randomly, I was hooked in by the site sending you matches and the "guided communication process." You can join for free, but you can't communicate with people unless you fork over the megabucks.

Each day, you get 5-10 matches. Even though you set your preferences, you receive a lot of people who don't fall into that. And Chemistry also sneaks in peole from Match.com too. For each person, you either say yes or no. The no button was certainly getting a lot of use from me.

For three months on the site, I communicated with less than ten guys and met only two. Those kinds of figures are disheartening. Also disheartening are men who seem to vanish randomly. Gee thanks. If interest is mutual, you can send your "relationship essentials" (how you rate aspects such as being neat, open, liking pets, and so forth) to review. If that's acceptable, you send the other person questions, and he answers, and you answer his questions. If those are a go, then you can exchange messages.

The people I met
Boy 1 was nice, but we didn't really click. It was okay talking to him, and I could see him as maybe a friend, but when I never heard back, I can't say I was too crushed.
Boy 2 was much better, and I thought he had much potential. He expressed interest in hanging out again and said he would message or call me, and natch, I never heard from him again, and his profile disappeared into thin air. That's lovely.

All in all, it started off promising, but then it fizzled out.

I'm going to try a new avenue and will report on that in the future.

Dork Yearbook

Awww snap, I had this outfit!!! My sword was pink, though.



Ahhh, memories.
(via Web Goddess)

Superoverrated

Agent99 and I dislike Seth Rogen. I hesitate to say "hate" because he was in Freaks & Geeks, and I adore that show. And he did co-pen Superbad. He just isn't appealing to me. And it isn't because Seth is not handsome or anything. Cease and Desist or Case and Report or whatever his new movie is called looks dreadful. Agent99 suffered though Knocked Up and warned me to stay away, which I have been adhering to.

On that vein, I don't get Kristen Stewart either. She's in Adventureland, which I keep seeing ads for. I don't think anyone I know likes her. At least Seth Rogen writes in addition to acting. KS just seems useless and isn't that hot.

And why is there yet another Fast and the Furious? Vin Diesel needed the money, it seems. The whole original cast did apprently.

I could go on for days about actors I don't like who are liked by the general public, but I'll stop there.

berries and apples

After nearly two years, it's nearing time for a new phone. But I'm having all this inner turmoil about what device to procure, currently leaning towards a BlackBerry since I'm not too gung ho enthused about the iPhone.

To me, BlackBerries seem like such a businessman device, and I certainly am no businessman. I went to AT&T's devices page and read reviews for the BlackBerry and read all these reviews by freakin' teenagers. The hell? Ugh.

I'm just lured because of the keyboard. I don't even text all that much (not popular enough). Do I even want to check my e-mail all the time? Not really. I don't like surfing the web on a phone, especially paying a lot of money for a fancier data plan. I'm torn because I don't really want to be in the Dark Ages but I'm not super techno-savvy either. Just give me a music player and I'm pleased.

Well, that's all my phone musings. I'll figure out this silly issue soon enough. I feel so primitive with my old flip phone. High-tech is not me.

Time to show this blog some love

Parker and I are both sick of winter, though it sounds like she has it worse than I do. Spring, where are you? And go away rain. I don't like you all that much.

Earlier today at the gym, I caught the latter part of "Womanizer" by Britney Spears, reminding me of how much I love this song. Britney's definitely one of my guilty pleasures, though I don't quite feel as ashamed as I should about this since she barely writes the music. So very catchy. I debated about buying a scratch-off instant lotto game but decided not to, not only because the machine was busted, but because I weighted the cost-to-benefit ratio and decided that caving and purchasing the Britney track would bring me more happiness that one minute of scratching off grey squares only to be let down but winning $0.

I'm tempted to blog about my experiences with dating in the city, but I dunno. In the meantime, here's a link to check out that is vaguely academical.
http://blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/200808/being-in-the-friend-zone
Can you ever bounce out of the friend zone? Is there a time limit? Stupid friend zone!
This makes me cheer up:

In fact, the reality is that being in the friend zone is an honor: it means you are well-respected, have formed an emotional connection with that person, and are thought of as nice, considerate, and dependable. These are really valuable traits. And I really mean that.

Worth skimming and for the graphic at the top.

Okay, this post was all over the place.

Does this mean he's going to pen happy ditties now?

Recently I posted about Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams getting engaged. Well, they dun gone and wedded each other already down in Savannah, GA. Aw, Savannah is a lovely place. Maybe they got Paula Deen to attend. Probably preggo. Mandy, that is, not Paula.

I still stand by my opinion that Mandy Moore is dullsville.

Damn! Jake Gyllenhaal!

It was recently announced that Jake Gyllenhaal will star in a film adaptation of the musical Damn Yankees. It is recommended you click on the link, as the photograph Playbill used is pleasant. I have not seen this musical so I cannot comment on the story and/or music. Something about a baseball fan selling his soul to the devil, who will be played by Jim Carrey.

I guess if Jake Gyllenhaal can't get Parker to see a musical, nothing can. I'm sure I'll be seeing this in the theaters since I've got that musical addiction. Damn Yankees is from the same producing team that funded Hairspray and Chicago which is very promising. I'll write a review in 2012.

Round Here - Because that's what the question asked

So Inessa must be bored at home sick....I'm just avoiding writing lesson plans. Here are my responses because I'll never do this on Facebook!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Come Pick me Up – Ryan Adams

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
If You Leave – Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
The Damage in Your Heart - Weezer

4.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Magnolia Mountain – Ryan Adams

5. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Burn One Down – Ben Harper

6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Stay with Me – Rod Stewart

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
ABC – Jackson 5 (I do teach Kindergarten!)

8. WHAT IS 2+2?
Follow the Lights – Ryan Adams

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Dead Disco - Metric

10. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Jimi Thing - DMB

11. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP??
War on War - Wilco

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE??
Have I Told You Lately – Van Morrison

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Holiday - Madonna

14. WHAT DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Bennie and the Jets – Elton John

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Your Time is Gonna Come – Led Zeppelin

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Moving Mountains – David Lamotte

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
The Real Slim Shady - Eminem

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Sun Also Sets – Ryan Adams

19. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Have Mercy on Me – The Black Keys

20. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Blossom – Ryan Adams

21. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Beverly Hills - Weezer

22. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
A Bell Will Ring - Oasis

23. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Everything I Do (I Miss You) - Whiskeytown

24. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Angel From Montgomery – John Prine

25. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Goodnight Rose – Ryan Adams

26. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Dancing in Heaven – Q-Feel

27. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
My Boyfriend’s Back – The Angels

28. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Houses on the Hill - Whiskeytown

29. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Round Here – Counting Crows

30. HOW WILL YOUR DAY GO TOMORROW?
Happy Valentine’s Day - Outkast (A girl can dream, right?)

Do the shuffle

I try to avoid these notes on Facebook, but this one seemed like fun.

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the "next" button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT IT IS :-)
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this... (Co-bloggers?)
This took forever since I suddenly wanted to listen fully to each song which popped up.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
House of Cards--Radiohead

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Comfortably Numb--Pink Floyd

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Please Stop Dancing--The Magnetic Fields

4.WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
My Sentimental Melody--The Magnetic Fields
"Just beautiful lies."
Um, is this shuffle actually working?

5. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I Looked All Over Town--The Magnetic Fields
"Nobody wants you when you're a circus clown."

6. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Sorry-Grateful--Company

7. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
Izzo (H.O.V.A.)--Jay-Z

8. WHAT IS 2+2?
La Cienega Just Smiled--Ryan Adams
It's your song, Agent99!

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
At the Ballet--A Chorus Line

10. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I Remember When I Loved Her--The Zombies

11. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP??
One (Reprise)/Finale--A Chorus Line

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE??
A-Punk--Vampire Weekend
Yeah, he's a punk.

13. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Sabotage--Beastie Boys

14. WHAT DID YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
The Karminsky Experience--Thievery Corporation
Oooooh, good suggestion!

15. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Another Day--Evangelicals

16. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Popular--Wicked
"Who isn't less fortunate than I?"
Yes, I'm interested in being popular!

17. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Walt Whitman's Niece--Billy Bragg & Wilco

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
King of Carrot Flowers--Neutral Milk Hotel

19. WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Postcards from Italy--Beirut

20. HOW WILL YOU DIE?
The Heinrich Maneuver--Interpol

21. WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
All Tomorrow's Parties--The Velvet Underground

22. WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
A Rush of Blood to the Head--Coldplay

23. WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Oxford Comma--Vampire Weekend

24. WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
The Good Life--Weezer
"Screw this crap, I've had it!"
"Hear me, I want sugar in my tea!"

25. WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Distance--Editors

26. DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
Just Like Honey--The Jesus and Mary Chain

27. IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Wrestlers--Hot Chip

28. WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Monkey Gone to Heaven--Pixies

29. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Take a Good Look at My Face--Smokey Robinson

30. HOW WILL YOUR DAY GO TOMORROW?
Tired of Sex--Weezer
Bwah!

To my relief, the embarrassing stuff stayed hidden. What a relief. :)

Tokyo Police Club at Webster Hall, 2/25/09

Concert Review!

I went to see Tokyo Police Club, a hot youthful band from the Great White North, kick out the jams at Webster Hall a couple of days ago. Myself and my companions R & M were not too pleased that it was a 16+ show. Boys who can't grow facial hair with their moms? Kinda ruins the setting if you ask me.

I'd never been to Webster Hall before. Situated in the East Village, it's primarily a dance club but has concerts here and there. The concerts take place in the Grand Ballroom. Unisex bathrooms are a bit odd, but whatever. M and I noted the chandeliers with red light bulbs hovering over the balconies. And there's a massive disco ball in the middle. What's borderline scary is the floor. When you've got hundreds of fans bouncing up and down to the rhythms, the floor suddenly turns into a trampoline. Yikes.

Even before the first band hit the stage, some girl barfed on the ground and it took ages to be cleaned up. It wasn't even 8pm! Lame. And yucky. Later, some kids were chucked out by security for smoking pot. Weed at shows is nothing new, but I've never seen concertgoers kicked out. That's what you get for flaunting it.

Anyway, the bands stuck to the schedule. First up was Harlem Shakes at 8pm. They weren't all that great, and the lead singer was painful to listen to. R described it best: "It's like he's trying to be a cartoon character but failing." This was a rather large band, complete with sax section. Then came three piece Born Ruffians at 9pm. They were better but I'm not going to rush out and buy their albums ASAP or anything.

Tokyo Police Club came out at around 10pm. The lead singer/bassist looked like Paul Dano from where I was in the crowd. He, Dave Monks, was one of the most talkative frontmen I have observed, talking about falling down at a prior show, inviting people to the aftershow at Piano's. I had the tremendous misfortune of being being a crazed dancing stocky Indian dude who needed to be dosed with a tranquilizer. Surrounded by short girls, of course I have to be behind taller males. Gah. About the music, it was energy-filled and kickass. Tunes short enough for my attention span. No complaints! This is a picture of the keyboardist Graham Wright. He took was bouncing all over the place. My pictures overall were on the crummy side. Note: concert pictures don't work unless you are right up at the stage, which I certainly was not.

For the encore, TPC brought out Born Ruffians to debut a new song, and then Harlem Shakes joined up to make a supergroup for the following ditty. Also quite nifty.

My feet were tired from standing for hours, but hell yeah! It's worth it to rock, eh?

Wacky new drug of the week

I think it's dangerous how freely we treat ourselves with medications that aren't fully understood (the list of horrible side effects on ads amuse and scare me). But this really takes the cake, increasing eyelash growth with glaucoma medication.

This is the best part, the wacky side-effects:
"While he said his patients were happy with the results, Sinha noted another unpleasant side effect if the user is not careful while wielding the applicator. "One patient was messy and grew small, fuzzy hair on her eyelid," Sinha said. He instructed the woman to stop using the product, and the unwanted hair eventually fell out."

At least it's directly applied. I hate when people ingest pills for very narrow, sometimes silly conditions.

Mrs. Mandy Adams

Agent99, this morning over my milk and cereal and PG Tips, I read that Mandy Moore got engaged to Ryan Adams. What a weird couple, wouldn't you say?

Ryan Adams and Parker Posey were a cool couple.

Mandy Moore doesn't do anything! But she's dated a wide swath of fellas: John JD Dorian, Fez, Andy Roddick. She was only worthwhile in Saved!

I'm just not that into you

A man in my neighborhood, who I bump into more often that I would like, keeps saying hi to me and telling me I should call him/Myspace him. Look dude, it's been weeks since you gave me your business card. If I'm not reaching out, I'm not all that interested. And now I am almost embarrassed for you. Can't wait for spring when I can ditch my brightly colored heavy coat which unfortunately can be a magnet for attention.

This situation reminds me of the upcoming chick flick He's Just Not That Into You. That movie seems annoying. It's probably about people struggling to comedic effect and then having happy endings at the end. Plus anything with Drew Barrymore is bound to be bothersome. Especially when she talks about Myspace. Myspace is so dead! When was this movie made? It would have made more sense it were released closer to when the book came out.

My friends saw Drew Barrymore's mother. That's all I got.

I hate it when....

People sign you up for stuff you didn't really want to do in the first place. This has happened to me twice in the past month! First, I was signed up for a committee that I really didn't want to do. This committee basically does a bunch of party planning, and the committee members decided I would be good so they just put me on the list. I would love to attend the parties....I could care less about the planning. Then this week my co-worker is on a literacy committee, and she signed me up to work the book fair tomorrow night. Did she ask if I could even do it, or if I already had plans? NO! And to top it off...she didn't even tell me about it until this afternooon!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR! Mind your own business folks!

I survived the great peanut butter panic of '09

On Thursday, I ate a Clif Bar and after consuming it, realized that it was one of the flavors voluntarily recalled after the peanut butter salmonella scare. Naturally I began to freak and worry myself to no end. I had known about the peanut butter panic before nibbling on the bar, but I thought, "Clif bars are all organic and natural and stuff, they should be using high grade peanut butter made by hand in the mountain mists" and then I was in for a rude awakening when I went to the Clif bar website. Argh.

After a few distracted hours, I concluded that I did not get food poisoning. Hallelujah!

crazyblindsmellydate.com

I'm attempting to do different things this year (so cliched, no?), and I started off by going on a crazyblinddate.

For those of you not familiar with this concept, Crazy Blind Date is a website developed by the creators of OKCupid. You sign up, put in a few sparse details about yourself and what you like in your date, pop in your available days, times, and locations, and sit back. The system matches you up with someone, and then the haggling is done by means of texts, e-mails, and logging into the website. You also can't talk to your "date" beforehand, and you aren't able to see his/her photo either.

My friend Jersey and I went on a double date with Challah & Frites. Challah sucked since he didn't even show up to the bar. Frites did, and while he was pleasant enough to chat with, he smelled as though the concept of soap were foreign and puzzling to him. It was rough. Drinking a potent beverage helped. Jersey sent Frites a message about his Pig Pen-ness. He had sent me a friendly message, but I never responded. And that was that.

Crazy Blind Date is very random, and it seems to have a lot of flakes. At least later you can go and review your people. And there's no commitment, and you don't build up folks in your mind. Plus, it's free, but you get what you pay for.

We liked reading this date gone wrong and having a laugh.

The Principal's Office -

Principal's Office is a reality show that follows different high school principals and the different aspects of their crazy jobs. I've seen a couple of episodes, but this clip just makes me laugh! I have two boys in my class right now that I can tell will act just like this when they get to high school!

Nalgene+me=4eva!

Do you see those aluminium drinking bottles all over the place too? I'll fess up to being mildly curious though I've been using my trusty Nalgene for well over five years.

I bogarted my roommate's (he hasn't used it), filled with agua, chilled, and have the results.

--Your hand gets cold. Metal is conducting, not insulating. Point for Nalgene.
--You can't see how much liquid you have. Point for Nalgene.
--You can't easily scrub the complete inside. I don't know about you, but I just feel better if I can coat entire surfaces with bubbles. Point for Nalgene.

That settles it. Maybe I'll die sooner from toxins, but I've accepted that fact.

Book versus movie: Twilight

A kind soul gave me Twilight as a present (at my request), and I finished the thing a couple of days ago. Which is better, better being a relative term?

My movie review can be found here.
Excerpt:

I don't know if it's the actress or how Bella is written in the screenplay, but I didn't care much for her. She wasn't particularly likeable or engaging. Makes you wonder what others see in her.

The Pacific Northwest locales are lush and splendid despite the damp. Expected in a romance, there's a lot of cheese. I would have liked more action sequences and less "What is his problem?" scenes. The vampire baseball game was my favorite.

I guess I didn't get the relationship. It seemed rushed and random, but I suppose that's just a cue for me to read the book, which is what Agent99 is urging me to do.

In the book, Bella isn't helped. She's someone you want to grab by the shoulders and shake violently, like the scene in Airplane! where the stewardess is freaking out. Girls who orbit round their boyfriends are low on my list of liked people. She just has no personality. Oh Bella, every boy at your school asks you out, and you're bummed since Edward won't make you a bloodsucker, boo hoo hoo.

Edward's okay. He's hampered by Bella making salivating descriptions constantly. Yeah, I get it. He's hot and perfect. Girl, you a loser. Here's how it works: Bella and Edward meet up. She admires his chest. Then her heart goes pitter patter. It's the same thing again and again.

The other vampires are badass. Alice is my favorite as well as Rosalie the beeyotch. The baseball scene and out-of-control van scene work much better in the movie because Stephenie Meyer's descriptions could use more clarity sometimes. Action-scene-writer she ain't.

I don't think I could date someone who is basically a walking block of ice. Ugh. But if he's that hypnotic, I suppose I could suffer frostbite.

I feel bad. I kept blabbing about Twilight before I read it, getting others to read it, and I don't even love it. Mrs. Meyer, you owe me some millions as commission.

Advantage: Twilight the movie

If you're honest with yourself, you'll find this funny.

Defective Yeti reviews Twilight.