Alacrity

A friend of mine wanted to get tickets to see The Tyra Banks Show and invited me to come along. I was skeptical but decided to give the show a fair chance before saying no thanks. I sat down to watch it Monday afternoon.

This show was about little girls who hate their bodies and rag on fat people. First, Tyra showed some taped segments where she sat down with a gaggle of girls for a gab session. They looked all fidgety and distracted. I looked at the clock. Only 1:05? Can I survive 55 more minutes? Then Tyra returns to the studio and talks to the girls’ moms. A few of the moms have piled on gigantor necklaces and one has gobs of grey eyeshadow and eyeliner with blonde highlights. The commercials give me a chance to catch Finding Nemo on the Disney Channel. Then Tyra shows the girls some pictures of women, and the girls gag over a woman with large thighs. Tyra puts up a picture of a frumpy madam with a little chub and I could tell a mile away that it was Tyra in disguise. Of course the kids say the woman is sad because she is fat. A psychotherapist springs out of the audience and gives insights. Why is William Shatner shilling for an attorney named Mike Slocumb?

Tyra tells one girl that when other kids call her a meatball, she should say, “That’s the best part of the spaghetti, baby!” Um, okay. In a profile, Tyra introduces us to a 9-year-old named Lyric who barely eats and to her curvaceous mom Shantay. Lyric calls me mom fat. A smack is in order. The therapist blames the mom. Another professional offers the family a trip to her fat farm in Arizona. Is Tyra even relevant? Do kids know much about her?

In the last segment, Tyra talks to Mike Tyson’s daughter Michael, and Michael’s mom. Tyra calls Mike Tyson the most famous fighter in the world. I don’t know about that. Poor Michael: her mom put a motion detector in the kitchen and she look just like Mike. Dr. Jenn essentially blames parents. She offers some common sense advice: throwing out your scales, parents fix their own self-esteem issues, and parents setting a healthy example. Whew, it’s over. Let’s just say I won’t be turning in anymore.