I have spent a long time, starting at birth and continuing until this very moment, evolving into the kind of person who could not possibly like a movie like this, and I like to think the effort was not in vain.
- Roger Ebert on the Princess Diaries 2

Naked man in carton is deemed too fresh

Man, a guy gets arrested in cardboard pants the ONE day this week that I didn't walk through the Ped Mall. Dangit.

BTW, this is a weird town.

I may have seen this list before, but it doesn't stop these Bad Analogies from being funny:

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."

Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

I LOVED the conclusion of The Assistant. Even to the end, Andy was hilarious and stupid. He chose my favorite, Melissa, and was as mean as possible to the idiot Mark (well, I guess they were all idiots to some degree, but he was also a jerk). I had guessed she won anyway, I swear I saw her doing an interview on MTV as lead up to the VMAs.

I'm about to get back to studying, really, but I have to ask... why did Puff Daddy (I don't acknowledge the new name) just show up to the MTV music awards with Bruce Willis? Randomness.

I love squirrels, so I usually discount stories of squirrel attacks, but this one is just down-right scary... and hilarious ("This was no ordinary squirrel. This was not even an ordinary pissed-off squirrel. This was an evil attack squirrel of death.")

Oh and speaking of scary, the pictures may not be original (though I don't recall the original internet store that sells these costumes), but the cast and stories of CAT TOWN are scary on a whole different level.

(both links courtest of FARK)

Good things to know-- Tricks of the Trade
A list of hints from a wide variety of trades, including...

Software Tester
Because developers don’t expect testers to read through their code, doing so is a quick and easy way to find possible bugs. Look for comments like “// HACK” or “// fix this crap later.”

Cartographer
Mapmakers will often use “copyright traps,” bits of information in their maps that are purposefully wrong. They might label a body of water “Lake Strongbad,” for instance, and then examine the next editions of competitors’ maps to see if the incorrect information makes an appearance.

Botanist
...And when doing botanical work in South America, steer clear of the monkeys: They will throw sticks at you with surprising accuracy.

(link courtesy of MetaFilter)

Erin uploaded her pics from Ali and Joey's wedding, so I thought I'd share a few select pictures. This one of Laura and me is a favorite:

That's how the good party was. I swear I showed up with both shoes.

A few more photos here.

I was already sold on Alien vs. Predator (in my only college English course, we watched the entire Alien series... for some purpose I can't remember, and I loved them), but now I know the uber-hunk from Under the Tuscan Sun, Raoul Bova, is in it (he's on the news right now). Woohoo. What's funny is that the moment I saw him on the tv, I thought 'he really disappointed me once'. I had to look him up on IMDb to figure out when/how. I was crushed when things didn't work out for them, especially since he was one of the only interesting things in that movie.

Oh, and speaking of movies... Has anyone seen the Garden State? I might try out the nearby sketchy movie theater to see it.

Hellooooo, Iowa and a stupid, slow modem.

What fun... I just discovered that the house across the street is the meeting place for the local Quakers. Are they like the Amish, or no? Will I ever see a horse-and-cart pull up?

I like parties, but I don't like pinatas. Pinatas promote the beating of flamboyant animals. Look, there's a donkey with pizazz. Let's kick its ass.
~Demetri Martin
(from Adam's away message)

Good news... Ali got married to Mr. Joey Fones today. The couple was just too cute, and I couldn't believe how lovely it was. Yes, seeing my college friend Rachel get hitched was crazy, but I only knew her when she was already Allan's girlfriend. Ali and I go way back. I'm talking the preschooler sunday school class at First Presbyterian.
Highlights- getting a corsage because I was a punch-server, the chocolate layer of the wedding cake, the awesome folding fans for the outdoor ceremony, the Keisel Park setting
Not-so-Highlights- the white layer of the wedding cake, decorating the get-away car (not the finest job I've ever seen)
I brought home a chunk of cake so I could participate in a favorite superstitious activity- supposedly, putting a piece of cake under your pillow (in a ziplock bag, of course) will cause you to dream about your future husband. My coworkers had never heard of such a tradition, but I like it anyway and now I have proof I didn't make it up (sixth paragraph down). Not that I'm dying to get married; I just don't like suspense. Also, I like to involve cake in as many aspects of my life as possible. I think Steph has my back on that one.

Sad News... Rick James has died. His second helping of fame with Chappelle came just in time. Cocaine really was a hell of a drug.

As we all know, "even Jesus hates Creed." Do you think he'll feel any better about Alter Bridge?? Sorry Laura if this ruins your day.

I'm at home now, getting ready for my big move to a state so in love with corn, they can't even put it down to drive.

An interesting article on why the average person should experience a miracle once a month. What are the chances that one article will mention both my favorite rule from statistics (the Law of Large Numbers) AND my favorite social psychology concept (confirmation bias)???? There's my miracle.

"A principle of probability called the Law of Large Numbers shows that an event with a low probability of occurrence in a small number of trials has a high probability of occurrence in a large number of trials. Events with million-to-one odds happen 295 times a day in America...
In the case of death premonitions, suppose that you know of 10 people a year who die and that you think about each of those people once a year. One year contains 105,120 five-minute intervals during which you might think about each of the 10 people, a probability of one out of 10,512--certainly an improbable event. Yet there are 295 million Americans. Assume, for the sake of our calculation, that they think like you. That makes 1/10,512 X 295,000,000 = 28,063 people a year, or 77 people a day for whom this improbable premonition becomes probable. With the well-known cognitive phenomenon of confirmation bias firmly in force (where we notice the hits and ignore the misses in support of our favorite beliefs), if just a couple of these people recount their miraculous tales in a public forum (next on Oprah!), the paranormal seems vindicated. In fact, they are merely demonstrating the laws of probability writ large."

(courtesy of FARK)

(Did you notice the reviewer gets snarky in the last two paragraphs? I love it.)

I know I love Spongebob more than a mid-20's college grad ought to, but even I think the new Church of Spongebob is not just a little bit weird. Are they going to consult the magic conch during ceremonies? I actually want a magic conch. It's like a magic 8 ball, but cooler. Oh, here's someone's attempt at a magic conch. You're welcome; glad I could help.

(link courtesy of FARK)

Addition - I found their website. No mention of the magic conch, whatsoever. Maybe I can join a conch-following sect.
Here are the highlights of the church's tenets:
- Running around naked was fun when you were a kid, and can be fun as an adult. [dubious implications, I think]
- You can surprise the hell out of someone by throwing a birthday party for them when it isn't their birthday.
- If you're going to do something, do it completely - but don't hurt yourself.
- Wearing lucky underpants or a good luck charm may not work - but how can it hurt?
- If you're going to do something, even if it's something you've failed at repeatedly, be confident in yourself and express that confidence.
- Bicycles seems to work as well as boats underwater.
- Tricks are always exposed.
- It's exciting to get new tools at work.
- Saa-laads suck. [damn straight]

We listen to a LOT of radio at work. The Real Men of Genius ads (for Bud Light) bring dead silence to the lab as we hope it's anything but Mr "Over-the-top Carb Counter". My favorite is Mr "Pro Sports Heckler Man". ANYWAY, here's an absolutely hilarious parody (or maybe a real one we just haven't heard) that actually applies to me (and probably you ,too):

“Real Men of Genius. Today I salute you Mr. Compulsive Away Message Checker. While most people are out actually having a life, you are at home, reading about it on your computer screen. Right mouse click, Get Buddy Info, or the little Info box at the bottom of the Buddy List [whichever is faster]. You have people on that list you haven’t talked to in years, but you still loyally read their away messages everyday to see what they are up to [borderline stalking]. So, crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Marauder of the Mousepad and don’t wander too far from your computer because you never know when someone’s away message may change.”

Hahahaha... Laura, don't even think about it-- this is MY away message tonight.

(BTW- did you know the guy who is singing in the back ground is also the front man from "Eye of the Tiger"???)

I FOUND THE ADS ONLINE: here. Here's Mr Pro Sports Heckler Guy. Also good- Mr Giant Taco Salad Inventor.

(Parody courtesy of my co-worker Stacey, who doesn't read my blog, as far as I know)

Whew, my faith in Kentuckians is revived.

"Kentucky's highly unpopular license plate featuring a smiling, rising sun has outshined the competition in a national contest...
'If you lined up all 50 United States and the District of Columbia and looked at their general-issue (plates), the one that pops the most is Kentucky,' said Tim Stentiford, director of the association's contest. 'The dramatic colors, the crisp, clear state legend in a distinctive font at the top, and the smiling sun _ love it or hate it _ it really does stand out in the crowd.'
Many Kentuckians don't like the smiley-face plate, and specialty plate sales increased significantly after it was introduced. It is not scheduled for replacement until 2008."

Here's the tag. 3XK and I hate that tag, which we saw a total of a million times while driving to Wisconsin in March and Iowa in May (all the while trying to play the license tag game). I thought maybe we were just cold-hearted- but no, most Kentuckians have our back.
3XK's commentary: "that would piss me off, if I lived in Kentucky. It won because it "stands out in the crowd". So does a fat girl in a swimsuit contest; that doesn't mean she should win." Touche.

I've only seen 12 of the World's Top 100 Wonders (which I think is pretty good for someone who is terrified of flying). My favorite was the Chambord Chateau, which was just fabulous. I want to see the Neuschwanstein Castle so bad, it hurts. I was going to make a trip out there by myself towards the end of my summer in France, but I chickened out. I have to get back over there to see that castle, as well as Pompeii, Venice, Scotland, and Mont St Michel... I just need a little more money and a lot more Xanax.

(link courtesy of web-goddess)