Cat accidentally shoots owner--So why couldn't Mike have used this excuse on Desperate Housewives? It would be on par with his girlfriend's dumb antics.
(courtesy of Fark again)

Nonverbal (and sometimes non-subtle) ways to get people out of your office. Hilarious AND useful tips.

(courtesy of FARK)

Some of my own nominations from the Oscar telecast:
- Most horrifying brunette: Renee Zellweger
  Runner up: Drew Barrymore and Mike Meyers
- Worst innovation to shorten the evening: cattle call. (Why did they have to line up the non-star nominees like cattle or miss america contestants?)
 Runner up: not even letting some up on the stage. (How much more firmly could they have told the make up winners that they really don't count?)
- Most monochromatic: Gwyneth Paltrow narrowly edging out Cate Blanchett (I think they're both to-die-for, but blondes should be careful of matching their dresses to their hair and skin tones)
- Sexiest acceptance: Motorcycle Diaries guy for best song (Jorges Drexler)
- Best running commentary: Defamer

Chris Rock did okay. The monologue was at times hilarious and at times embarrassing. I like his style, but I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't enjoyed by the masses. At least he isn't going to be crucified by the FCC-writing conservatives, that's all I was worried about.

"The awards don't really affect anybody's lives in the crowd," Rock said. "Meanwhile, the Nobel Peace Prize, there's no one there. Nobody cares what the scientists are wearing. What are you wearing Professor Allen? 'Pants!' "

I knew it was futile to hope that Chris Rock could host the Oscars without major controversy. However, I didn’t suspect the controversy to start a month before the show with implications that he might not even make it onto the stage. In great Chris Rock form,he isn’t backing down on his comments (though I wonder why it took so long for any kind of rebuttal to make it out). If he apologizes for anything, I’ll be sorely disappointed.

Nothing seems interesting enough to mention lately. I would like to offer some book reports though. I should really read fewer novels and more school stuff, but whatever.

1. Valley of the Dolls - Jacqueline Susann- I guess I've been reading too much Austen and Austen-knock offs, this unhappy ending was too distressing. I sobbed at the end of the book, I was so infuriated with it. I would never put up with that cheating bastard, Lyon. Bastard! Good soap opera type reading, but you may want some uppers like the girls in the book to survive it.

2. Jane Fairfax- Joan Aiken- A parallel to Emma, it follows Jane Fairfax's life. Really good. I found so much to love about Jane, except the secret engagement. Frank Churchill is a jerk. I had to reread Emma to see how well it paralleled. It was tough going at first, since the other book had me really disliking Emma, but I rekindled my love of Mr Knightley.

3. Mr Darcy's Daughters- Elizabeth Aston- Pride and Prejudice's sequel, set 20 years later. It seems she wanted to borrow some of P&P's casting with a moralizing sister, two trampy sisters, and the witty, pretty-in-her-own-way sister. The main character is no Elizabeth Bennet, but she's very likeable. At times, the book is a heavy-handed social commentary and is obviously intended to be a sketch of the intricacies of society life for the time. It's nothing Austen would have written, too many references to the bedroom, but it's interesting and a little saucier than you'd expect for an Austen knock off.

4. The Five Minute Marriage - Joan Aiken. Loved this book. Sultry, Darcy-esque Hero (hidden soft side, misunderstood, etc.) Exciting finale, and not too predictable. The heroine is a sort of Jane Fairfax, very likeable and easy to sympathize with.

5. Emma Watson- Joan Aiken- This was the first Aiken book I read, and I didn't like it much, so I didn't hold much hope for her others. I guess she doesn't like her heroine to end up with the parson, so she steered it against the natural flow of Austen's set up. Seriously, what Austen heroine would go for the one-armed naval officer she's barely met instead of the good looking local clergyman?!?

6. Sandition- Jane Austen and Another Lady- I read this a while ago, but since I'm recapping my Austen knock offs, I should mention it. It's a much better completion than Aiken's Emma Watson. This one has a really great climax, just like with Austen's books- I was in a panic thinking that maybe the hero isn't really in love with the heroine, and maybe she'll end up alone. But just as I'm giving up hope, he saves the day and is fabulous. Yay!

Verdict: I think Jane Fairfax is the only must-read for Austen fans, though I really liked the Austen-esque style of the Five Minute Marriage and Sandition.

Completely random aside:
Has anyone else noticed that the lead singer of The Killers is way hot in the Mr Brightside video? The right guy in eye liner... je ne sais quoi.

MY BOYFRIEND IS THE COOLEST IN THE WORLD!!!
Sometimes a strong southern accent can get you into trouble.

Yup, happy valentine's to me. I guess the nice Iowan who took 3XK's flower order couldn't understand that he wanted a silly comment, "I think you're swell." Of course, they also didn't understand the difference between your and you're, so maybe I should cut them some slack.

"It's just this whole day [Valentine's Day]. It's like an evil conspiracy created by the greeting card people, and the flower people, and the candy people. Well, not the candy people... they do god's work." - Grace (Will & Grace)

I just got my mom's V-day care package, and there can never be enough chocolate. She did well with this one. God bless the candy makers and my mom.

So, I went to the Winter Carnival this weekend after much anticipation. It
was probably the lamest Winter Carnival on record. It was 54 degrees on
Saturday, the ice sculptures were demolished on Friday because they were
a hazard, and the 10,000 frozen lakes were not frozen enough to support
much activity. Nonetheless, I had a blast in St Paul.

Aided by the unseasonable weather, the Vulcans overthrew the royal Snow Family, and a victory torchlight parade was had. I made sure I was marked
with a V by one of the victorious Vulcans. (I also got some beads during the
parade, but there were no shenanigans to get them).



The parade was great, but it was nothing compared to my first trip to IKEA.
It was everything I thought it would be AND MORE.



My companions laughed at me when I said I'd spent whole evenings putting
together rooms on their website, but they ended up buying even more than
I did (you can't deny its fabulousity!) It's already cold again, but I'll be back
to the twin cities as soon as possible.

By the way, the lovely city of Rudd, IA has great self-esteem:


(the sign reads "Rudd/ Not bigger... just better.")

I love French holidays.

I know, a lot of posting in one day doesn't make up for a month of neglect. However, I wanted to post this so Laura and Lisa know what's coming a year from this thanskgiving: we're going to have a Catherinettes outing. According to this American in Paris, Le Jour des Catherinettes is "an old French tradition for girls who are 25 and, GASP!, still single." I know Lisa will be able to make a knockout green and yellow hat (a la these beauties), and we'll have a blast in sleepy-old Auburn... in two years.

From Fark: custom coffins. I can embrace custom-made coffins of unusual style, but I find it alarming how much this gynecologist loves his job. I wanted to be clever or funny and say what I could be buried in, but I can't think of anything I like well enough to want a huge version of it. Also, what would future civilizations assume about someone buried in a giant rooster or fish? Those will really throw future archaeologists for a loop.

Did you know that Oklahoma was not the only midwestern state to be immortalized in a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical? Iowa is another lucky state (there could be more, I'm no expert). State Fair is so-so, but I liked the Iowa-ness. The state-referencing song is not quite as singable as Oklahoma!, but it's pretty darn good. Just try saying that chorus quickly (and pronounce it Io-way in the song).

Oh I know all I owe I owe Iowa
I owe Iowa all I owe and I know why
I am Iowa born and bred
And on Iowa corn I'm fed
Not to mention barley, wheat and rye.

I owe Iowa for her ham,
And her beef, and her lamb
And her strawberry jam
And her pie.

I owe Iowa more than anyone should owe
So I think I'll start in owing Idaho.

...
Good times. Do you think they were hungry when they wrote this song? The best part is that in the end, the daughter of the family gets to marry and move off to Chicago. At least in the musicals, people eventually escape Iowa. It should give hope to Heather and myself.

Chandler: Hey, you guys in the living room all know what you want to do. You know, you have goals. You have dreams. I don't have a dream.

Ross: Ah, the lesser known "I Don't Have a Dream" speech.

It snowed while I was gone:



Can't say I'm very happy to be back. It was 52 degrees when I left Atlanta, 12 when I landed in Moline, and 2 when I finally got back to Iowa City by greyhound. Brr.

I'm missing all the fun! I better get to see at least 14 inches of snow when I get back, or I'll be so disappointed. Sure, it's nice that it's over 70 here, but I was so looking forward to the first snow.

What I did on my Christmas break (so far):
1. Got my parents' tivo set up.
2. Watched movies (via tivo and Hastings).

Rankings from my movie spree
1. Rope (Jimmy Stewart, Alfred Hitchcock) - very good. I see now why my mom didn't like Murder By Numbers. It's a rip off of Rope with similar plot elements but none of the charm. The AMC guy pointed out it was filmed to look like a continuous shot (with two intentional exceptions). It's fun to watch for the tricks they used to allow edits without stopping the camera movement.
2. Beautiful (Minnie Driver, Joey Lauren Adams) - really funny. Thank goodness Miss Adams never went into psycho-crying mode like in Chasing Amy. That was so painful.
3. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - weird, good, but not that good.
4. Arsenic and Old Lace (Cary Grant, Teddy Roosevelt)- hilarious in that classic movie way. Source of a favorite quote of mine: "Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops."
5. Call Northside 777 (Jimmy Stewart again) - interesting to watch, not action packed or anything. I thought he'd get in trouble with the mob or something, but Jimmy never ran into anything worse than hostility and one gun.
6. Lemony Snicket's... - didn't like it, I'm sorry to say. I didn't hate it, but I wasn't charmed.
7. Bottle Rocket - not my favorite Wes Anderson by a long shot, but interesting.


I also rewatched some movies. I highly recommend them all:
Garden State - after my second viewing I bit the bullet and bought the overly popular soundtrack.
Harvey - hilarious Jimmy Stewart movie. Has great composition in parts, styled like a play being filmed rather than just a movie.
Rear Window - classic. Can you tell I've become a big Jimmy Stewart fan?
Royal Tenenbaums - My favorite Wes Anderson film (I haven't seen the new one yet).
Men in Black - I think that makes 400 times I've watched it.
Vertigo - This was my third viewing. You need to watch it at least this many times to figure out what actually happened. Supposedly, Hitchcock was hunting for a replacement for Grace Kelly at this point in time. Kim Novak didn't make the grade, in my opinion.

As if having "Welcome to Moe's!!" yelled at you in the restaurant wasn't horrible enough, Moe's is trying to get God in on the act. If God is merciful, he won't yell it at me more than once.

Turns out I'm not getting myself a Fairly Oddparents Fishbowl for xmas, I'm getting something a little more entertaining.

(remember, you have to love yourself first.)

I just caught another fun bridezilla-focused wedding show: Always a Bridesmaid. Such fun, and they played the funniest song--

yes, I am a bridesmaid so I know love is blind
cause what they pick for bridesmaids is a heinous fashion crime.

It appears to be by Diedre Flint, since the lyrics are similar to this song, but I can't find the exact lyrics. The best part was "I'm afraid the jumbo butt bow won't fit through the chapel door."

Canada is really gunning hard to attract the disillusioned liberals to their frozen utopia (or maybe they're just gunning for human rights, but yanks may be a consequence of their actions). I'm already concerned about the oncoming Midwestern winter, so I can't even entertain the idea of a run for the border.

That reminds me-- contrary to what I just said, I am superpsyched about going to the Winter Carnival in St Paul in January. They have ice palaces! They have cool winter activities! They have a King Boreas who gets crowned and then overthrown at the end of the festival! I can't wait!

Hoorah! Someone is standing up for the rights of non-parents. I've often said they should have "grownup showings" of kids movies. So I like SpongeBob, should I have to sit in a crowd of squiriming kids to enjoy my movie? I think a 7pm cutoff is a little extreme, but I've endured a woman bringing her baby to a 10pm showing of The Hours, so I think somebody needs to start setting limits.