Alacrity

Listening to... Hey Carrie Ann by the Hollies
Feeling... embarassed

I really have finally narrowed it down. The reason I am such a social idiot is..... I am a bad mix of irrepressable assertiveness and extreme shyness. This means I cannot halt my big mouth to save my life, but once I'm talking, I become so mortified I just can't listen to myself anymore. However, my brain stores everything I say, so that later (or right now) I can agonize over every word I said. I honestly can never remember what I wore the day before, can't recall mundane conversations or even what day it is. But darn it, I could quote to you verbatim everything I said at Hall Council tonight. Oh well, it's nice to just say it here and get it out.

That realization isn't all that recent, but I don't believe I've ever put it into writing here, so that's important. I want to scream it everywhere so people will just nod and say "Oh, that's her problem. She isn't really the dumb bitch she appears to be." or at least "She's a real bitch, but I feel sorry for how shy she really is." That would be okay.

Oh, on a related note, I was reviewed as being feisty last week. I love that, I am fiesty. It's much more descriptive than 'bitch', which is the usual term for assertive girls. Plus, this week no one took over the meeting from me. There was the usual amount of chaos, but all in all-- pretty good.

Despite the rant earlier, I really am in a good mood. I just have to get the embarassment out so I can realize my regular happy disposition.